Please, Please Stop Asking Me Questions About My Post-College Plans

Confessions of a recent graduate

I missed the window to buy the cap and gown for graduation.

I don’t know when this period of time started or ended, simply that the time started and has already ended, and I am no longer able to get a cap and gown. As it turns out, all of those emails that read “URGENT: GRADUATING SENIORS MUST READ” in the subject line were urgent, and graduating seniors were supposed to read them.

A stern-faced woman clasps her hands on the University bookstore counter that separates us. “Ma’am, I have no control over who decides the dates that we give out the caps and the gowns.”

“Are you sure there aren’t any sitting in the back? Like, maybe someone who was going to graduate but then had an overdose or death in the family or something?” I flash her my best smile.

“Next time, pay attention to university emails.” She sashays away to another counter, before I have a chance to point out the flawed logic of her “next time” argument in the given context.

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